Is Vivienne Westwood’s 1995 Penis Shoe:
A. A brilliant take on CFMP (Come Fuck Me Pumps).
B. An ironic wink at various dick myths, e.g. that you can tell the size of a man’s penis by his shoe size and/or that black men have bigger dicks.
C. Holding up a warped mirror to those who say that men design high heels to disempower women because these are shoes designed by a woman that give other women power/penises.
D. The ultimate cover image for a chick-lit book hoping to cross over to Franzenland.
E. Commentary on the fact that on March 16, 1995, Mississippi officially abolished slavery by ratifying the 13th amendment.
F. This guy’s take:
No other item of attire has such a positive phallic identity as the high heel. Women endure masochistic foot distress and deformation, knowing the sexual effects high heels and pointed shoes convey. The phallicism of the heel itself makes it appear as though the woman has taken possession of the male’s genital powers by standing on it. In fact a significant number of women and girls are known to use the high thin heels and pointed toes of their shoes to masturbate.
G. A branding opportunity for Westwood’s other penis objets, such as necklaces and keyrings
H. What I secretly hope Taylor Swift might wear dressed up as a scary penis witch for Halloween.