Archive for April, 2012

April 30th, 2012

How to Lose A Friend in 10 Days

How to Lose A Friend in 10 Days:


Day 1: Maintain a friendship with your childhood friend, despite the fact that you no longer live in the same state. Tell her you love her like family and that she is like a sister to you.

Day 2: Like friends do, share your secrets and fears. At the moment, because you are both approaching 40, talk about your frustrations about not being married and wanting to start a family. Talk about how the lack of prospects has led you both to rekindle and revisit past loves.

Day 3: Listen intently as your friend talks about her man problems. She is hopeful. There are two men she is interested in, both out of the state, one from high school the other from college. You remember the one from high school. She seems most excited about him. Plans to go visit him soon.

Day 4: Listen to your friend tell you about how much she likes the high school crush and is focusing all of her energy on him. When she visited they reconnected. They laughed. They made love. They made plans to see each other again. She is hopeful.

Day 5: (Be)friend your friend’s high school-turned grown woman love interest on facebook.

Day 6: Flirt with your friend’s high school-turned grown woman love interest on facebook (Ish, they are not “together.”)

Day 7: With the support of your friend, make plans to visit your own lost love, who just so happens to live in the same city and state as hers.

Day 8: When your plans with your long-lost fall through, call your friend’s crush and invite him for drinks. Utilize information you are privy to about your homegirl (and conversations she has had with him) to convince him that she is untrustworthy. Tell him that she is also dealing with someone in another state that she knows from college. Tell him all of the things you know about their interactions together. Don’t tell your friend.

Day 9: When confronted by your friend about reaching out to someone she is interested in (he tells her before you do), don’t apologize or recognize your bad judgment, instead get defensive and say hurtful things to her to try to make her feel undesirable.

Day 10: Call your friend, tell her that the man she has recently slept with and was interested in doesn’t want to be with her, he wants to be with you. Let her know that you are planning to move to his state so that the two of you can be together. Then ask her if, after some time passes, can you still be friends?

#truestory. Not mine, but my homegirl’s.

When she told me about her friend’s betrayal I was partially speechless. I wondered if her friend knew the code, friends don’t hook up with friends’ exes… especially when they know their friend still likes them. Where they do that at?

But when I asked heterosexual black women their opinion about man-stealing, there were varying views. Most people said that it depended on the circumstances. For example, how long they had been together? How serious was the relationship? Was she in love? Some people think that if enough time has passed between one relationship and the next, then it shouldn’t matter. Still others say that if a man is interested in someone else, who happens to be your friend, and they fall in love—who are you to stand in the way? Other people think it is about age. They said it is easy to have the “I saw him first” rule when you are 16, but as we get older, and the pool of eligible and dateable black men diminishes, you have to get in where you fit in.

Luckily, for me and my friends, we are never attracted to the same (kind of) man, so it has never been a problem. And being that many of my friends, and I, are so visually and fundamentally different—we don’t tend to attract the same (kind of) men or be interested in the same (kind of) men… But I like to think that if there was a man that I was interested in, that my homegirl saw first, had first, etc., that would be a dealbreaker for me. I like to think that I would choose my friendship.

Yet, I don’t know how to judge women who approach dating like crabs in a barrel. I get it. Regrettably I have been a crab in the past—judging, scratching, and clawing my way to a man on the neck of another woman. I never saw it as that but as my homegirl described her former friend’s ambitions for a man at her expense, I thought about the women I may have (knowing and/or unknowingly) disrespected or disregarded for a chance at love. Granted, it has never been a friend of mine, but it has been a woman, who, no different from my homegirl may have saw or loved him first.

What is the new standard?  Can we reverse the misogynistic male rapper mantra of the 90s, M.O.B. (Money over Bitches) which seemed to make it sensible, for men, to never choose a woman over a friend (though, of course, these were the same men who “shared” women…”ain’t no fun if the homies can’t have none”) to a new millenium B.O.M. (Blackwomen over Men, by the way, not bitches over money) stance?  What do you think?


April 29th, 2012

Reblog if you want your followers to tell you one thing they secretly like about you.


April 29th, 2012

I mean, your hair is really uncool.

I mean, your hair is really uncool.:

Just realized I have been misquoting one part of this scene since 1988 (and I quote this scene a lot) but I don’t care, it’s still beyond.

April 29th, 2012

Shit, am I going back to a flip? AM I?

Shit, am I going back to a flip? AM I?

April 29th, 2012

bradelterman: The Dead Boys backstage at The Starwood checking…


The Dead Boys backstage at The Starwood checking all of their moving parts in 1978. 

Photo by Brad Elterman


April 29th, 2012

bradelterman: I almost shit in my underwear when I took this…


I almost shit in my underwear when I took this photo of John Lennon with Yoko and Ringo as they cruised into The Roxy for a Bob Marly concert in 1976! I will never forget that feeling!!

Photo by Brad Elterman

peacock style.

April 29th, 2012

Trans Woman Murdered in Oakland, Emergency Demo Tonight at 8pm, 13th and Franklin PLEASE REPOST/SIGNAL BOOST



from Oakland Occupy Patriarchy:

“Brandi, a transwoman, was murdered last night, shot at 12th and Franklin in Downtown Oakland after an altercation with a man who became enraged and shot her when he realized she was trans. An amazing #oo comrade tried to keep her alive with training learned from the People’s Community Medics, but the cops walked away and the ambulance came too late”

Everyone please spread this as widely as possible and please show out tonight to stand up against transphobic violence!

No news stories yet on the situation but will try and keep this updated with info

jesus this is fucking scary- a night before this a friend and i were out on 17th and some dude started fallowing us and screaming at us cuz he read us as a lez couple then relized i was a trans woman and started threatening rape and that he was going to kill me and just a day before a friend of my barely escaped getting beaten or worse by a group of dudes only cuz they were able to convince them that they were a cis woman and not a trans woman/faggot. It could have been any of us- were all just a moment away from encountering the wrong man/men on the wrong street. Fuck this world, kill men, die cis scum. 

No words. Stay safe, sisters.

April 29th, 2012



April 29th, 2012

yanagoya: Whoa



April 29th, 2012

brilliantmistake: Live tweeting the LA Riots, twenty years…


Live tweeting the LA Riots, twenty years on.