i was reading these important escape how-tos and thinking that no one loves an escape story as much as mikki. i know because she was such a rapt audience for mine.
the night i was hospitalized a bunch of cops—5? 4? 3? it felt like 5—were standing in my living room saying that they had to do something with me because my boyfriend had just called and told them i was threatening to hurt myself, which i’m sure is true, though i don’t remember that part. the night before we had been talking about a college boyfriend who had moved to buffalo for the summer to be with me and jon was like “i can’t believe a guy did that for you” and i was like “you’d be surprised what i can get guys to do for me,” which i think i thought was funny and i think he did not, and that conversation must have animated my interaction with the police: first i flirted with them a little bit, then i negged them a little bit, then i told them my boyfriend was crazy, then they left. victory.
less victorious when they returned and i had to get in the ambulance. still, there was that beautiful moment after i insisted jon accompany me, when we were sitting inside, and everything felt still, and i just lunged for the door, as though lunging comes naturally to me (it does not) and as though i was somehow going to get past the many large men between me and my apartment, or whatever i thought freedom was—flatbush avenue?
when i told mikki she was like “i mean kara i think it was the drugs but also like some intense id thing where your primal feminist self just raged!” i said that it’s like my two favorite books—the dream of a common language and SCUM—had a war and SCUM won. i will never forget the communal look of fear on those cops’ faces as i berated them from the bedroom in a mini dress and heels nor that brief, brilliant time when i actually must have believed i could get away, although i don’t remember any thought process being involved, at all.
later, at the hospital, i demanded that jon call my dad, because i felt like the crisis was being handled completely ineptly, and then i ripped the silly bandz off of our arms, though i found them in my chanel purse later and gave them to my father for feminist archiving in his basement. mikki said she hoped i also yelled “you’ll never take me alive” but, as it turned out—the lunging, the biting—most of my resistance was gestural. i don’t have any tattoos so who knows what would have happened if i had gotten away, but i sort of did get away, right here, to my bed, writing about trauma and power and terror and affect and archiving and bodies and other relevant things in my exams.
HAHAYESYESHAHA. Warrior year. I was going to say the making a break for it in the ambulance is my favorite part but all of it is my favorite part especially the happy ending. Let me know if you need any cars blown up, I think I understood the directions.Love you K
The line up Manhattan Beach, CA
Whenever I see Grimes this creepy French fashion person starts shouting in my head, Crimez! Who ees thees, how you say, CRIMEZ? We must find her, Crimez and put her een fashion! The wit of her in couture ees, incroyable….NON non, no she ees antifashion she is death, she is le punque, we muss be fery edgey fery cool, and I can’t stop it.
Criminal Germany, Berlin, 1932. Rings with razor-sharp blades..
Reading this story, one might think it was nice of Grove residents to gather and pray for the ‘unborn children that died’ at an illegal abortion clinic, but there’s more to this picture. This article in the Oklahoman makes mention of two women that died at the hands of Dr. Henrie, the doctor who performed anywhere from 5,000 to 20,000 abortions (depending on who you ask) from 1939 to 1962 in the small lake town of Grove, OK. One of those women was my grandmother.
In 1962 my grandmother made a choice to have an abortion, a procedure that was then illegal. She died from complications weeks later. She left behind my mother, who was a teenager at the time, and two small children. Our family has forever been changed by this tragedy, but we are steadfast in our belief that if abortion had been a legal procedure, she would not have died.
DEADLINE: April 29, 2012
MOONROOT is looking for submissions to y/our second issue! And, out of a desire to build this radical and loving community, we are asking YOU to submit your heart, your stories, your love and your aches.
WHO WE ARE:
MOONROOT is an ongoing…