Archive for August 24th, 2012

August 24th, 2012

Photo



August 24th, 2012

bagofshit: facetime is what i call the time i spend with lucy…



bagofshit:

facetime is what i call the time i spend with lucy petting her on her face and any other definitions will be summarily discarded

I have a game where I try to put Monster’s head in my mouth. It’s not her favorite game.

August 24th, 2012

alithea: mikkipedia: It is interesting, the belief narcissists have that they can just wait a…

alithea:

mikkipedia:

It is interesting, the belief narcissists have that they can just wait a while after they’ve done something shitty, until they think everyone is over it, and then pretend nothing happened. Like they will just start emailing you or whatever, on totally banal topics, and you’re like, why is this in my inbox. There’s stuff on the table that you need to acknowledge.

I mean, I can see why they think this course of action would work. It often does! Narcissists depend on people like me, who will make excuses for them, and think about how they had the worst childhood, or they don’t know any better, orwhatever. We get invested in protecting their feelings, so we don’t speak up. And then if at some point we start to learn or grow, or have some boundaries, and we say, whoa, that was not ok, that upset me, the narcissist doesn’t know what to do.

Obviously what you should do when your friend says she is upset is say “I’m sorry I didn’t intend to hurt your feelings, let’s talk.” Or even, “You know, I kind of did intend to hurt your feelings, and I’m sorry about that, we really should talk.”

Saying things like “I knew you’d be upset,” or “Other people made you think that,” or “I’m disappointed in you,” or suddenly coincidentally having a crisis is the classic narcissist response to someone attempting to introduce the topic of other people’s feelings. They want to bring things right back to themselves. And if you push back, even a teeny bit, if you say, “That really hurt my feelings,” they will flip the fuck out. It’s so threatening to them.

For most of us, it seems so obvious and kind and generous to say, “I’m sorry, let’s talk” instead of generating a 10-point manifesto on Why I Don’t Need to Apologize or doing the “I’m going to pretend it didn’t happen game” or the “OH MY GOD I SUDDENLY AM HAVING A CRISIS TRIGGERED BY YOUR FEELINGS” gambit. But I’m realizing narcissists are super threatened when their friends get in touch with their own feelings—probably largely because the narcissist fears being held accountable for their actions. If their favorite doormat suddenly sticks up for herself, that’s very destabilizing to them, which makes the thought of an apology and an honest discussion terrifying.

They will throw away years of friendship rather than have that discussion, and they will justify it to themselves in all kinds of ways. It’s actually pretty sad, I guess. This is not actually about anyone on tumblr (though it may apply to many people on tumblr!), or at least not to anyone I interact with on tumblr, maybe they have blogs on here. So don’t ask me if it’s about you, just think about what it might mean

this resonates so deeply in my life that it’s giving me goosebumps. but recognizing this? recognizing these behaviors and these manipulations? it has been nothing but completely freeing.

I love you, A~—also I just duh realized that you could replace “narcissist” with “addict” and you’d be at one of my meetings.

Tags:
August 24th, 2012

Movement work

me:  This guy behind me on the ferry was on the phone the entire trip. At first it was just icky bec he called her and was all “I wanted to tell you you looked beautiful this morning,” and then he was like “No, I woke up for a minute and saw you leave, you had on a yellow top.” Then he went on about his sleeping habits and how he had had the most GLORIOUS NAP the day before, the best one in a long time. (Though obviously not glorious enough for him to wake up and say goodbye to her.) And then he said, “Yeah I guess, why dont you set something up in a few weeks.” It wasn’t clear if he meant he wasn’t going to even see her for a few weeks or if it was something he just didnt want to do, but either way: dicky. Which she obv pointed out bec then for like ten mins I heard:

“Stop being negative.”

“That’s the best I can do.”

“Now I dont want to talk to you.”

“I called you to tell you a nice thing, and now I’m getting this.”

“Im going to hang up if you keep up with this.”

“Dont get upset, getting upset is retarded.” <—-

THEN HE HUNG UP ON HER

Then like 5 mins later she called back and he said, with a big sigh, “I was just writing you an email. I don’t know how to react when you get this way.”

OH MY GOD.

kj: OH MY GOD mikki!
the thing is that its so real. so real. i have been in this! (maybe not even with the “you looked beautiful this morning” part)

me: I know! I KNOW TOTALLY it was like a newsreel from our past lives.

kj: hahahahahahahhaha
that is the exact right way to put it

we need to save that girl
girl! it doesnt have to be this way!

me: I posted it on Twitter! I was like “If the guy you are sleeping with called you from the East River Ferry today, dump him, we all heard it”

kj: omg

i am dying

me: GLORIOUS nap. Also “GETTING UPSET IS RETARDED.” I should have grabbed his phone and thrown it overboard.

kj: #feminist terror.


August 24th, 2012

Photo



August 24th, 2012

MUMMY CAT or is this post plastic surgery. Oh salem.



MUMMY CAT

or is this post plastic surgery. Oh salem.

August 24th, 2012

It is interesting, the belief narcissists have that they can just wait a while after they’ve…

It is interesting, the belief narcissists have that they can just wait a while after they’ve done something shitty, until they think everyone is over it, and then pretend nothing happened. Like they will just start emailing you or whatever, on totally banal topics, and you’re like, why is this in my inbox. There’s stuff on the table that you need to acknowledge.

I mean, I can see why they think this course of action would work. It often does! Narcissists depend on people like us, who will make excuses for them, and think about how they had the worst childhood, or they don’t know any better, or they were so nice that one time, or whatever. We get invested in protecting their feelings, so we don’t speak up. And then if at some point we start to learn or grow, or have some boundaries, and we say, whoa, that was not ok, that upset me, the narcissist doesn’t know what to do.

Obviously what you should do when your friend says she is upset is say “I’m sorry I didn’t intend to hurt your feelings, let’s talk.” Or even, “You know, I kind of did intend to hurt your feelings, and I’m sorry about that, we really should talk.”

Saying things like “I knew you’d be upset,” or “Other people made you think that,” or “I’m disappointed in you,” or suddenly coincidentally having a crisis is the classic narcissist response to someone attempting to introduce the topic of other people’s feelings. They want to bring things right back to themselves. And if you push back, even a teeny bit, if you say, “That really hurt my feelings,” they will flip the fuck out. It’s so threatening to them.

For most of us, it seems obvious and kind and generous to say, “I’m sorry, let’s talk,” instead of generating a 10-point manifesto on Why I Don’t Need to Apologize or doing the “I’m going to pretend it didn’t happen game” or the “OH MY GOD I SUDDENLY AM HAVING A CRISIS TRIGGERED BY YOUR FEELINGS” gambit. We tend to have the opposite problem—we over-apologize, we over empathize. But I’m realizing narcissists are super threatened when their friends get in touch with their own feelings—probably largely because the narcissist fears being held accountable for their actions. If their favorite doormat suddenly sticks up for herself, that’s very destabilizing to them, which makes the thought of an apology and an honest discussion terrifying.

They will throw away years of friendship rather than have that discussion, and they will justify it to themselves in all kinds of ways. It’s actually pretty sad, I guess. This is not  about anyone on tumblr (though it may apply to many people on tumblr!), or at least not to anyone I interact with on tumblr, maybe they have blogs on here. So don’t ask me if it’s about you, just think about what it might mean if it is.

August 24th, 2012

funkyfest: am I getting cruised in this photo?! I think…



funkyfest:

am I getting cruised in this photo?!

I think he’s trying to mindmeld.

Tags:
August 24th, 2012

searchingforknowledge: bob-ombadillo: apsies: First Lady…



searchingforknowledge:

bob-ombadillo:

apsies:

First Lady Michelle Obama is picked up by U.S. Olympic wrestler Elena Pirozhkova during a greet with US Olympic Team athletes in London, England, July 27, 2012. (Official White House Photo by Sonya N. Hebert)

I stared at this picture for a full minute because I couldn’t handle how much I love it

The wrestler said she wanted to do something unique. So she asked if she could and Michelle said yes. Michelle is so fucking awesome!

This is literally the most badass thing ever, right down to Michelle’s shoes.  (Plus remember when she bent it with Beckham?) I love that she’s such a brainy elegant jock.

Tags:
August 24th, 2012

btw

my favorite part of the workshop was when I said “I do all of my activism out of spite” and then there was this dead silence and I was like, ohhhhh nooooooo and then Heidi said, “well so do I, that’s good, actually.”

Tags: