"Tongue-Tied You are as drawn to Brad for his qualities of mind as to his qualities of heart and…"


You are as drawn to Brad for his qualities of mind as to his qualities of heart and body. But the communication between you is a complex issue, because certain deeper and more unconscious feelings are stirred which can create problems in an otherwise fertile dialogue. Although you have a profound admiration for your partner’s way of thinking and expressing himself, you also feel somewhat intimidated or threatened by what you experience as his superior mental abilities. His shrewd and realistic way of looking at things, which allows him to cut through nonsense to the truth of the matter, have, through no fault of his, triggered old hurts around communication and learning which spring from your childhood, and which may make you feel unconsciously awkward around him even when there is no cause. But this activation of deeper issues may not be evident to you; you may instead react to Brad with criticism, silence, evasion, or a show of patronising indifference, so that he winds up being the one who feels intellectually inferior in some way. Your partner may also feel that you do not listen to him, or that you disagree with him on principle without reflection. If the two of you do not understand what has been set in motion between you, you may sometimes find yourselves in some rather nasty and wounding arguments. But this relationship can give you great insight into your own dilemma, and the more the two of you are able to discuss these issues honestly, the more creative the outcome. And you can offer Brad a stabilising and containing quality which can help him to ground his ideas and put them to practical use.


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