a mug shot of a young woman with glasses in camoflauge

Check out Dilma Rousseff, the president-elect of Brazil. The above is from 1970, when she was arrested along with other members of Colima, a left-wing resistance group. She spent three years in jail, and was severely tortured.

She’s obviously a badass which does bring me to the topic of Ms. Shannen Doherty and her new book, Badass.

Basically this is McCarren Park kickball except awesome.

  • Steve is shirtless and wearing trunks with crossbones on his ass.
  • Brandon, Andrea, and Kelly are all wearing jeans shorts.
  • Tori Spelling clearly has no internal organs
  • Andrea puts her hands in the air, like she just don’t care
  • Mr. Megan Fox wins the dance contest, because on this show David Silver is basically the token black friend, except Jewish

However, I fear for Badass. The subtitle is A Hard-Earned Guide to Living Life with the (Right) Attitude. Amazon tells me: “In her first book ever, she reveals her own evolution from bad girl to badass, sharing her secrets to happiness and success.”  I think I will pass, badass!

Who on earth would want to learn about the right attitude from Brenda Walsh? She is the go-to for a bad attitude, and she is right every time! Things are unfair, Brandon does get special treatment, high school sucks and her relationship choices are stultifying. Brenda is the locus of resistance in the very heart of 90210! If she had a Tumblr we’d be all “Dood you gotta follow Walshtown.”

Bren has obviously been tamed, and taught to please. I worry that this is happening with Dilma as well. She had plastic surgery in order to be a more appealing candidate—although in Brazil I think plastic surgery is kind of mandatory. She’s basically Lula in lady clothes. But I like to think that deep down inside, she is still a motherfucking guerilla, perhaps wearing a black midriff top and high-waisted jeans.

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