May 17th, 2012
my father asked me this on the phone today, after he tried to talk to me about one of my posts, and i tried to tell him that it is really not a good idea for him to be reading my tumblr. i approve of willful not-knowing in many situations and i guess i am going to have to be the willful not-knower in this one; luckily, refusing to acknowledge who might be watching is a life skill that anyone who wears small dresses as often as i do is constantly honing. a part of me wanted to say “it’s for itself,” which is not untrue. “who is it for” is actually a really hard question.
“Who is it for” is so important and so much one of my main things lately. (Things as in things that are relevant.) I mean, over connoisseurship, and that taxonomy trip, obv. But—and I tread lightly here, because it is not my body in this situation—when Makode Linde made that cake, it is important that he was making it for the white Swedish elite. He was using black women as subject matter, using their bodies, even impersonating them, but not considering them as a potential audience for the piece. Like, whose gaze never gets discussed? And let’s be honest, this is also what was so problematic about me doing First Guns and why I stopped doing it. Good intentions alert! I thought it was funny to have Michelle Obama’s arms respond to the media’s constant discourse about them. But it was appropriative way beyond a headdress. I’m always tempted to hit the delete button on it but I feel like it should be there, to remind me I need to work, and to not let me hide my fuck ups.
Will not post a long blah blah Habermas thing but he is relevant.
February 10th, 2012
“you realize how amazing this email is right? like, its gonna end up in the fales archives.”
death of the author or whatever but i am taking full credit for saying this. it’s all gonna end up in the fales archives, be ready.
Mostly this is awesome because when my wing of the Fales is built (including my full set of Ben is Dead floppy discs! Feminist
hoarding archiving!) I will insist every cat photo go in and visitors will also have to listen to a soundtrack made by me.
That said, I have always intended to donate all the relevant stuff to UCLA because it was there, using my mom’s library card and looking at Judy Chicago’s old zines and reading about Womanhouse and other projects, that Darby and I realized that we were part of something that was maybe are/more important than the punk. Of course when she donated the BiD stuff to UCLA she did it under her name and not the mag, which is typical but also annoying and now I am thinking about the BiD documentary and feeling totally nauseous.
Also, I will say that when a certain Punk Feminist Riot Girl sent me an email about her upcoming garage sale/purge giveaway I said “What about your archive” and she was all “I GAVE,” which she did, and we both laughed nervously because it still feels wrong but awesome too. It is amazing how comfortable most dudes—even good dudes—are with being well-known for the most minor of achievements and how uncomfortable women are with getting credit for anything. I mean seriously, there is an ex of mine who I love but I want to die when he notes with faux-modesty that his band was in a Trouser Press book and also once Nirvana opened for them. I mean he doesn’t do it often, but it happens.
I know I externalize this; there are some women on Tumblr who note their achievements with regularity and it bugs the shit out of me. Working on it. And I know it isnt just sexism and racism although those are big parts of it, it was also my parents freaking out if I got an A- instead of an A but also insisting that I never talk about my grades or doing well in school and never giving me any credit because they didn’t want to make my brother feel bad. Which was well-intentioned but, as many things do, had consequences.
I fear this will all be greatly misunderstood but I don’t have time to talk about everything in therapy, so tumblr it is.